It seems mildly appropriate that nearly a year after a hard bout with loneliness that another emotional enemy comes knocking at my mental door, uncertainty. The idea of the unknown was seen as a glorious open door when I made the decision to move to Thailand but now, as the “2 years” mark gets closer and closer, what once was golden is now a strain on my mind.
The culture of the Land of Smiles brings more than enough mystery in daily life but the battle I face is with regards to my next long term plans. Do I want to continue teaching? If so, should I stay in Thailand or explore another country? If I want to stay in Thailand can I find a job closer to my career path in Bangkok? Is it time for me to go home? What kind of job would I get in the US? What city would I live in? These are just some of the questions racing through my mind at the moment.
So many variables have to be taken into account with each question and these typically only raise more questions. I love Thailand and all of the relationships that I have gained during my time here. Each one is so precious and has helped me develop as a person in ways that I never could have gained while at home. But it seems, at least for the moment, that I am craving something that cannot be found here. It is this feeling that makes me think that home is a good option. I miss so many aspects of home. Everything from the really important like my family and friends to the more trivial, but comforting options, like experiencing a new craft beer whenever I would like, air conditioning, and sitting on the couch all day for Saturday football.
What to do?
For now, I am going to take a step back and analyze all of the good that I have in my life because it is so plentiful. Beauty surrounds me! I still have some months to think things over, explore options, and bounce ideas off of friends. I am worried because of the uncertainty but I am calm because there is the surety that my support group and faith will guide me in the direction I need to go…
…wherever that may be.
Living abroad has provided ample space for my mind to wander. This is both a blessing and a curse. Finding my path again is always the goal. What challenges your thoughts when traveling? Let me know in the comments below!
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